Last night I went through a whirlwind of emotions which quite honestly I haven't done for quite awhile. What fueled the fire was a conversation about the present in relation to the future and a thought of "it never will be" hit me. Life is all about making choices, whether it's what time to get up in the morning, what to have for breakfast, or what are one's goals. With approximately 6 months to go until I conclude the chapter of my life set in Moldova teaching English I am now being forced to make more decisions. My plan for the future is something I have kept rather quiet only because I am still unsure of how it will go and after last night I felt even more at a loss. But after some tears and a realization that choices have to be made, I know it's now or never and the photography project is something I'm going to do and if other things are meant to work out the will.
Since making that realization, things seem to be falling into place rather quickly. In a nutshell, I want to photograph schools around the world (beginning with 3 schools the first year) and then return to the schools to share the cultures of the other schools. This is a project that will not only take time and money but it will also mean a long time outside of the States for long periods of time and also other personal sacrifices, two of which became apparent to me last night. However, with the personal sacrifices set aside, like I said, things seem to be falling into place. I was originally thinking of beginning the project in Mumbai or New Delhi, India, since I will be in that area, however, I could not choose which one. Then I used facebook to contact an acquaintance who had once asked me to take her senior photos, who is from India. She suggested another city which is the 3rd largest and once I looked it up, things just came one after another for schools and possible contacts and life there, thus making me feel much more comfortable with the decision.
What I've learned from this is, once again, is everything happens for a reason. Certain relationships in my life have helped shape me to grow in ways that I never thought were possible and when having to make a choice it's important to really think about that choice. Traveling in France (post coming this weekend) over winter break showed me what it means to be an adult and how much more enjoyable traveling is when making responsible decisions (not to say that I don't ever make responsible decisions, I do, just sometimes I make not-so-responsible decisions... let's be honest). It is important to be confident in oneself to make wise decisions, and to be confident in oneself in general. I have had a very low self-esteem for a very long time and it is only recently that I have realized just how awesome I really am (ha) and that I can do great things, even if these things take time (goal-setting!).
Whew. Ok. Now my choice is to stop reflecting and get working on finishing up those photos from France. Know, though, that there is a new side of me coming out and you're going to like it.